As babies and very young children, our parents are responsible for nurturing us, taking care of our well-being and personal development. As we progress into our adolescent years, we become increasingly responsible for our own behaviours and actions and in adulthood even more so.

Taking responsibility for ourselves is a necessity. As human beings, we often like to shirk our responsibilities or pretend that they do not exist at all. But they are there, whether we choose to acknowledge or ignore them. If we cannot take responsibility for our actions, we will never grow and mature emotionally. If we permanently play the victim card, we deprive ourselves of self-development and we will act irresponsibly.

We all have choices to make in life and we have to take responsibility for those choices. Thus, even if we had chosen an option that resulted in an unfortunate event, we have to accept that we had a certain level of culpability. When we dodge our responsibilities, we wallow in self-pity and we blame others and everything but ourselves. We very selfishly hurt those around us because we do not perceive how our actions can possibly affect them in any way. We become very inward looking rather than seeing the bigger picture. If we remain in this state of being, we can potentially bring ourselves to do anything, no matter how serious because we can shelter under our umbrella of no responsibility. When we feel that ‘It’s not my fault’, we will carry on with our negative patterns of behaviour regardless of the consequences. Our dogged refusal to take responsibility prevents us from learning from life’s lessons. When we lose our connection, we lose ourselves.

Then there are people who carry the burdens of the world upon their tired shoulders. They believe that everything that has happened in their lives is in some ways caused by them. They too wallow but they wallow in their burden of responsibility. They say, ‘It’s all my fault.’ They not only take on their own responsibilities but everyone else’s. They then end up locked in a cycle of perpetual guilt, running around trying to pick up the pieces, running around after everyone else.

There have been times in my life when I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong, from my failed marriage to my unsuccessful business venture. My memory played my history over and over again, on a never ending loop. What could I have done differently? What if I had done this instead or what if I had done that instead? Why did I make those choices?

In time, I realised that the burden of responsibility was a composite one, that some of the blame rested with me and some with those around me. I also discovered that some events would still happen regardless of my actions and the consequences would not have been altered. There was nothing I could do. Perhaps, the lesson was not meant for me but for someone else and there was nothing for me to gain. Eventually, I learnt to accept the responsibility that was mine and relinquish the rest. Once I had accepted responsibility where it was due, I just needed to let go of the past and the guilt, accept that I had learnt from my experiences and gracefully move on. We need to be realistic with our responsibilities and be careful not to assign unnecessary guilt to ourselves or blame those around us.

It you ever wonder why life seems so tough, think about how your own actions may have contributed to those consequences. Sometimes, the responsibility may not be totally ours but as long as we wholeheartedly accept that we did have some responsibility, we can learn from our mistakes, we can move on. We need to accept the guilt that is due to us as a result of our negative actions and then carry on with our lives in a more conscious manner.

Do not forget the past completely. It serves as a remainder of what we have done, of what we have learnt. Our past can help us to help others as it reminds us of the journey that we have taken. Yet, we should not dwell on the past too often as it is dead and should be buried. Instead, we should be looking at how we can improve our life in the present and the future.